Somewhere Outside
by Tacel
Summary: Just because you can run forever doesn't mean that they won't catch you in the end. Post-COE
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: So…first foray into the 'Whoniverse.' I've been thinking about writing a short piece for a while now, and the ideas finally came together. The title comes from an Anchor & Braille song, titled "Summer Tongues." I might write a second part, but we'll see.

Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood, Doctor Who, etc., and am writing purely for enjoyment.

Warnings: COE spoilers, some mild language, mentions of Jack/Ianto, and Gwen/Jack if you're looking for it.

* * *

_Somewhere Outside_

_

* * *

  
_

Just because you can run forever doesn't mean that they won't catch you in the end. The guy that wants your money, the guy that wants your head, or maybe just the bad memories and ghosts with earnest smiles, refusing to place blame where it rightly belongs—eventually something or someone is faster. Captain Jack Harkness has tried to outrun them all, and while he might have escaped the former two, those ghosts are a damned sight faster than he is. Six months travelling, running up tabs he had no intentions of paying and chasing men and women alike in an attempt to lose himself in mindless, physical oblivion—and still those eyes (_his own grandson_) are staring back at him in his sleep. Sometimes he thinks he hears Ianto's watch and waves of guilt and grief wash over him. Guilt because he let his lover down in so many ways; unable to love him like he deserved and unable to save the quiet Welshman from a death they should've been able to prevent.

Other times, when he isn't trying to lose himself in a sea of crowded people shopping, drinking, even just walking, Jack sits on empty rooftops, wondering if another fall will do him in, but the silence is crushing in ways that a mob would envy, and the thought of compounding that with the cold and utter darkness is so unappealing that he stops himself (usually). Although he tries not to think about her, reminders of the only other surviving Torchwood member come unbidden, one of two living ghosts that occupy his dreams (how could he ever face Alice again?). Ultimately, Gwen is the reason he comes back at all, even after six months are clearly proving too short to make things better.

He's forgotten how far the pregnancy will have progressed, and is torn between feeling bad for making her run up that hill and being amused by how funny she looks, half-waddling away from Rhys and towards him, the look in her big, trusting eyes all too familiar and all too painful. When she begs him to stay, he considers telling her that he only managed to stick around this long for her. He considers being cruel and reminding her that she has Rhys and a baby, and isn't that enough? In the end he goes for smiling bravado, and even though she knows he cares and uses that to try and make him stay, it is all he can do to remain long enough for a goodbye, because he needs to go somewhere, somewhere outside of this tiny planet and outside of the home he created and destroyed. Not that he would ever say it that way.

'Watch me!'

* * *

A year passes. A year of bars and brawls, ecstasy and overwhelming grief. To even begin to recount the stories seems impossible, because they have all blurred together in a stream of emotions, like many of the years of his impossibly long life. He even spots the Doctor once, running like a madman past him on the street, but Jack feels no inclination to chase after him again—he doesn't want to see the Doctor like this, clouded in misery. Still the ghosts remain, ever-so-trusting, and he is slowly realizing that he doesn't want them to go, like all of the others he has loved and lost. The pain, after all, is what keeps them so much more vivid in his memory than all the others. He promised to remember Ianto, and had vowed to himself not to forget Stephen, Tosh, and Owen. But after a year and a half, the ghosts are starting to lose their vividness, and when he sleeps a night without them, he wakes up the next morning with tears in his eyes.

So he returns, reluctantly, to Gwen and Rhys and baby Elen, because as long as they live and he is with them, with her, the ghosts will never abandon him. Captain Jack Harkness has told a lot of lies, but this moment of morbid inspiration sure as hell doesn't feel like one. Gwen clings to him, crying, forgiving her former boss when he would prefer condemnation, and Rhys stands aside awkwardly, holding a quiet baby with dark hair and eyes almost as big as her mother's. Rhys is as uncomfortable with this reunion as Jack is, but Jack cannot help but hold Gwen as tightly as she holds him, enjoying the first embrace with any real feeling behind it in ages.

* * *

With Rhys's help, they slowly rebuild Torchwood, as partners, recruiting a few brilliant men and women along the way. Martha Jones sends a few recommendations their way, and Jack is disappointed and relieved that she chooses to stay with UNIT.

"Jack, take a look at this," Gwen says one day, as she tinkers with one of the computers inside their new headquarters. She points to the screen monitoring rift activity, and Jack wishes Toshiko were there to help, even though their new computer tech (a nice guy named Neville, that Jack chose after the kid said something uncannily like Owen) is perfectly capable, if not quite the genius that she could have been.

"Well, doesn't look like much, but if you're worried we can—"

"I'll start the car," Gwen interrupts, and Jack finds that he is still taken aback by how much he likes having her equally in charge. They leave the others behind this time because it seems relatively innocuous, and Jack hasn't really trusted them much beyond the occasional Weevil capture.

They ride in silence, following the instructions of the GPS, and unsurprisingly, find themselves near some industrial storage.

"What is it with alien life forms and dark, deserted warehouses?" Gwen quips, attempting to make him smile, and he does, a little.

"Probably just lonely. We can always provide some quality company…unless you don't like to share," Jack replies evenly, and Gwen ignores the comment, used to suggestions he would (probably) never follow through on. The 'probably' rises from curiosity, which is quickly squelched. She has Rhys and her daughter Elen to think of now, after all.

It is this distracted train of thought that is her mistake, and when the alien, all claws and horns, comes rushing at them, she draws her weapon far too slowly, suffers a (mostly) harmless blow, meant to incapacitate, before Jack is able to fire enough rounds to knock the creature down. As Gwen pushes herself up, testing the state of her head, Jack is already there, one eye still watching the motionless being.

"Sorry, Jack, I…"

But Gwen doesn't get any farther than that, because once Jack is sure she's unharmed and the alien is down, he is clinging to her like a child, but scolding in a tone so sharp that she shivers,

"How could you not see that coming, Gwen? I trained you better than that!"

He pulls away and the glint in his eyes is unrecognizable. She hopes it's only because he's worried, and so she nods mutely and hugs him back. She's used to his fifty-first century pheromones by now, but Gwen cannot help but feel a little lightheaded as he helps her to her feet, still holding her hand while they inspect the fallen creature.

"Clean-up in aisle 8," she murmurs, and Jack is reminded of Ianto's sarcasm for a brief moment, but this is Gwen, who is so very alive. He is reluctant to release contact with her, but the alien isn't going to cart itself into the vehicle and back to Torchwood.

Those are the days when he feels settled.

* * *

But other days are difficult. He forgets the names of Neville, Robert, and Emma, the names of fallen friends almost spoken before Jack can correct himself. He sends them all home on restless days, but Gwen almost always stays regardless of his orders. Only once does he break down, and she holds him, stroking his hair and murmuring soft words as though he's Elen, and after a few minutes they're back to 'normal,' and he's challenged her to a game of naked Hide-And-Seek, which she of course refuses. Usually, though, he sits and stares at old pictures and letters, trying not to notice how the ink and paper have deteriorated with time. Sometimes Gwen sits with him, asking questions about this photo or that, and he tells her, because how else will he remember the dead? Sometimes she tells stories too, and as they sit together, perhaps too close even for the boundaries of friends, he listens, drinking in the stories of a normal life. He asks about Elen, but never about Rhys.

Jack knows he is being selfish, but he needs Gwen to keep the memories alive and maybe he just needs her. So he doesn't say anything when Rhys stops visiting. If he thinks about it, the visits really stopped after Elen's fourth birthday party. Robert died six months later, and they hire a new medic, a blond named Catherine who reminds Jack of Rose. Three months after that, when they're driving back from a failed Weevil capture, just the two of them, Gwen tells Jack that Rhys has divorced her. Torchwood has killed her marriage, and Jack is strangely relieved, and thinks it is because Gwen doesn't blame him. Her only regret, she says, is that she hasn't spent more time with Elen. Jack gives her the weekend off, and keeps to himself the whole time, uncharacteristically repulsed by the thought of drinking or having a meaningless fling with whomever he happened upon first.

* * *

It has been six years of running, fighting, and clinging to what he can, and Jack is still weary. But slowly, he is learning to accept some of the forgiveness that the ghosts and Gwen are constantly extending him. This new team is holding together better than the others, and laughter is becoming more and more frequent. Jack, almost always gregarious and charming as a front, is beginning to feel some of that happiness more deeply. After thousands of deaths and a couple hundred years of living, he's starting to believe Gwen's sweet reassurances, if only because his heart cannot hold out on her any longer.

He cannot outrun the dead or the living, and he doesn't want to.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: I decided that Gwen ought to have a say in this little story of mine. I don't have any plans for another Torchwood story at the moment, but there's a Doctor Who one-shot just begging to be written, so keep an eye out (or don't.) Reviews are appreciated; I'd like to know if I'm doing a decent job keeping things in character. If the sentences seem like they're repeating themselves or running on, it's because I'm experimenting with 'stream of consciousness.'

Disclaimer: In the past week I won the lottery and negotiated the rights to Torchwood. That or I prepared for my return to school and wrote a little fanfiction.

* * *

_Somewhere Outside_, Part II

* * *

Ianto is dead, Jack is gone. The children are safe, and everything Gwen has worked for in the past two years is in shambles, much like the rubble that was once Torchwood. She tries to feel grateful that she has Rhys, who is loving and supportive after everything that has happened; she tries to sense some kind of excitement about her slowly expanding belly, the baby that Gwen never thought she would have ("Not with this job!" but now there is no job). Instead, she curls up against the corner of her couch and stares off into space while Rhys chatters about work, the in-laws, the boys, the baby. He's been perfect – better than perfect – through everything, never missing a doctor's appointment and planning everything for baby. He buys a shower of pink things when they find out she's expecting a girl, and she tries to smile like she did that day in the potato truck, but instead she wishes the other members of Torchwood were there to share the experience with her.

Once or twice, she tries to meet with Rhiannon, but in spite of their mutual familial affection for Ianto, they have little to say to each other. She goes to Stephen's funeral, and doesn't dare to express anything beyond her condolences to the inconsolable Alice, who is still smoldering with bitterness over her father's betrayal. Her old partner Andy stops by once or twice, but not after she really starts to show (the thought of her having a baby with Rhys is just too much). Gwen never hears from Lois again, but then again she wasn't trying all that hard to find her—she'd simply lost the heart to do so now that the team was gone.

Six months come and go, and Gwen goes through the motions, taking vitamins for the baby and preparing a nursery and having lunches with her parents. She doesn't look for another job, and Rhys is reluctant to bring it up, especially with the pregnancy. It's beginning to feel like her life will remain in drudgery, because nothing holds the appeal of Torchwood. This is not to say that she contemplates giving up on life entirely—she has a child to think of, and her motherly instincts keep her from going completely into autopilot. Still, Gwen is beginning to feel that she is slipping away, and then the guilt comes, because Rhys feels it too and she can't slow the progression for his sake, only the baby's. The baby and the nagging horrible hope that Jack just might return.

Finally, a message comes: a time, a place, a request. Life sparks in Gwen more strongly than she has felt since the deaths of Owen and Tosh. Suddenly she is all purpose, actively helping Rhys prepare the nursery, remembering to show the man she loves some affection, and leaving the apartment for more than the occasional grocery-run. She finds Jack's wristband, lord knows how, a few days before the arranged meeting, and practically waltzes back home, all smiles and sweetness, because Captain Jack Harkness, her indescribable boss and friend, is finally coming back to her.

* * *

But he leaves again. He makes her waddle up that hill, a little more than six months pregnant; all to take back his wristband and leave her again. But there he was, for a moment, smiling and confident but broken and desperate, oh so real and close and not dead, thank God. She begs him not to leave, forgives him because she doesn't know how to condemn him, let alone hate him, for what he's done.

"Don't leave, Jack."

"Stay, for me."

Pleas and tears and reminders of their friendship, their bond as the only surviving members of Torchwood—none of it is enough to keep him with her, and he leaves, defiant against the grief that overwhelms them both.

"Watch me!"

And she does; Gwen watches him leave her once more, blurry because he is being transported and because of the ridiculous number of tears crowding her vision. Rhys holds her, loving and docile and understanding, and she feels a surge of bitterness that he isn't bothered by Jack's abandonment. She loves them both, differently, but most of all she loves this child, that wriggles and squirms within her when Jack leaves, and so she goes back home, to Cardiff and monotony, accepting it because she loves this child and she desperately hopes that she was right to believe that even Jack wouldn't run forever.

* * *

Elen is remarkably good at sleeping through the night. When she does wake in the early hours, Gwen usually lets Rhys take care of it, because he claims to love spending those moments with his daughter. Tonight, however, she quietly pushes back the covers and goes to comfort her child, allowing Rhys to continue to sleep. Her daughter is beautiful, and Gwen wouldn't change a thing about the baby crying in her arms, with big eyes that have already lost their blue and turned to dark, warm, brown. Her skin is warm and pink and smells of that new baby scent, and Gwen murmurs loving nonsense, warm feelings like joy and happiness swelling and bubbling inside her. Motherhood, in all its terror and love, is slowly bringing her back from the edge of all-engulfing grief. She misses Jack every day, misses the others too, but looking at little Elen, who has to be so trusting and dependent, keeps her grounded. Her phone, still always on her out of habit, vibrates in her dressing gown pocket, and as she settles in the rocking chair Rhys got for her, she worms her left hand around and opens the phone.

The message is brief, and Gwen has no idea how he contrived to send it to her phone, but mostly she is crying, not thinking, holding Elen close and murmuring the words she could hardly have dared to utter before now,

"Sweetie, he's coming back. Your Uncle Jack is coming home."

It is four in the morning, and her world has suddenly become that much brighter. Gwen doesn't sleep, but puts Elen back to bed and tidies the nursery, the living room, and even the kitchen. She makes breakfast, and around six Rhys wanders into the kitchen, alarmed by the overflowing joy that is his wife. She kisses him full on the mouth in spite of his less than enticing morning breath, and offers him the first breakfast she's made for the two of them in months. Rhys smiles broadly and holds her close, affectionate and just so happy to see his wife in such good spirits, and the kitchen is at peace until Elen cries once more and Gwen darts out of the room to retrieve her. He cleans the kitchen, and wanders into the nursery, leans against the doorframe, and watches his incredible Gwen tend to the equally amazing Elen. Rhys is afraid to ask why she's so happy, and the fears he didn't know he had are confirmed when she joyfully informs him that Jack is coming back.

* * *

They meet on that same hill, Gwen bounding up the grassy mound much faster this time, totally uninhibited. Rhys follows a much slower pace; they are twenty minutes early and he's the one holding the baby, who is fast asleep (midnight ispast her bedtime). When he rejoins his wife at the top, her breath is a little ragged (but she's worked very hard to start getting back into shape the past three months), but she is grinning like a child and nervous like one all at once. Ten minutes pass, and as the appointed time draws closer, Gwen turns to her husband and asks, barely above a whisper,

"Do you think he'll show up?"

And more weighs on that question than either of them chooses to believe, but all Rhys can do is smile reassuringly and say,

"Of course he will. You know him better than anyone."

She doesn't say it, but he can tell she's thinking, 'that's what I'm afraid of.' And she knows that that he's aware of it, and the unease in his expression is alarming. Feeling bad, Gwen, turns to embrace her husband, but a flash of light brings Jack crashing down to earth, and her intentions are forgotten as she throws her arms around her old boss, crying because she's happy and oh so relieved that he showed up. He clings to her with the tenderness of a broken man, and Gwen determines that she will do whatever it takes to try and fix Captain Jack Harkness, if only a little.

* * *

In the following months they set about rebuilding Torchwood—buying a new place to base their operations, getting the computer system back online, and hiring new members. Martha helps with the hiring, and Gwen is glad for the company. They ooh and ahh over the baby, and after a few weeks, the three of them, with Rhys' help, have hired three new people: Neville, Robert, and Emma. Gwen thinks they're marvelous, even if they're not Ianto, Owen, and Tosh, but Jack says nothing at all, simply nods and occasionally forgets about them. Months pass, and eventually he has learned their names and allowed them to catch the occasional Weevil without him.

One night, she calls him over to the computer she's been monitoring amidst the sea of paperwork, pointing out a small spike in the rift. It's been one of his bad days; Jack called Robert 'Owen' by mistake, got angry when their coffee machine broke down, and now he's looking past her, expecting Toshiko to explain the details.

"Well, it doesn't look like much, but if you're worried we can—" Jack begins to say, but Gwen is barely listening as she snatches the keys from his pocket and says, all enthusiasm,

"I'll start the car."

They arrive at the dark area, full of industrial storage crates, and she tries to make a joke, which half succeeds, as Jack jokes back, far more suggestively than Gwen anticipated. The thought of being with Jack isn't exactly unfamiliar, but she is married now, with a baby, and it's unfair of her (and him) to encourage those ideas. On the other hand, that's the most suggestive thing Jack has said in weeks, and she'd hate to crush what might just be a joke with a serious conversation. Gwen is so preoccupied with this that she only sees the alien rushing towards her when it's too late. Luckily, whatever it is attempts the stun-then-kill method, and Jack has fired off several rounds before it can get to part two. The pain makes her ears ring, and she will probably have a nasty bump, but as she slowly sits up, Gwen determines that she is otherwise okay. She tries to apologize, but is cut off when Jack looks at her in anguish.

Jack has practically knocked her back to the ground in his urgency, the panic in his voice evident even to a pain-addled Gwen as he alternately clings to her and scolds her, entreating,

"How could you not see that coming, Gwen? I trained you better than that!"

As she looks at him, Gwen finds that she cannot manage an immediate response, and puts the lightheadedness down to the head injury. As she gets to her feet, she notices that he has retained a steely grip on her hand, and they inspect the corpse together. Finally, words find her, and they leave her mouth before she can second guess herself,

"Clean-up in aisle 8." For a moment she's afraid it has only upset him, but then he smiles and hugs her again, and they clean up the mess and head back to Torchwood like nothing out of the ordinary has happened.

In Gwen's mind, those are the bad days. But for all the bad days, there are several good ones, where he is smiling and laughing, and getting to know the other members of Torchwood. Occasionally, he still forgets, but he's getting much better. She is loathe to admit it, but Gwen's favorite days are the ones when it's just the two of them, sitting on the couch after a long day, looking at old pictures and exchanging stories. She loves to hear about the adventure, and even though half of them end with four of five people naked, she laughs every time. More astonishingly, he drinks in all her silly, mundane stories, and is eager to hear about Elen's constant progress—what was her first word, when is her next visit to Torchwood, is she learning to walk yet? He never asks about Rhys, and she never explains, because how would she explain that she loves Rhys but doesn't love him, and how she hates all the constant fights and the occasional coldness and the loneliness that is slowly creeping into their home. Besides, Jack seems too fragile to burden, even when he's at his best.

Only once, as far as she knows, does he cry, mourning for so many loved ones lost and afraid that he'll ruin her and this new team too. She doesn't know what else to do but hold him, and softly murmurs encouragement, although Gwen isn't sure he really comprehends that in spite of everything, she has to believe he will be okay.

* * *

Six months after Elen's fourth birthday, Rhys files for divorce. She is married to her work, and he's tired of sharing. She doesn't have the heart to deny him this request, and, ironically, they divide custody according to her work schedule. Even with amicable proceedings, it isn't until three months later that she has to explain to Elen that her father still loves them, but he's moving just ten minutes away, that she'll have two rooms, and that her mother will always be there when she's not working.

Gwen waits a whole week after it's finalized to tell Jack. She's not sure why she's nervous, but she can't help but worry that he'll regress with the news, especially so soon after Robert's death. Instead, he is sympathetic and very like the 'old' Jack, and he gives her the weekend off to spend with Elen.

He even learns the new medic's name faster than he did with the others, who are warming to him more and more as time passes, with only one death in over six years of remarkably dangerous work. Jack suggests outings for nights that end without incident, and a weekly pub night is established (well, more like bi-weekly with all the interruptions of the job). The usually end in laughter, and more than occasionally they all stumble home after too many fond farewells and drinks. After one such evening, he walks her home, and ends up staying.

Gwen watches him sleep later that night, thinking too many thoughts all at once, and finally settles on deciding to sleep too. Since he returned, she's never doubted that he cared about her, and she'd long ago figured out that she loved him. A few hours of sleep weren't going to change anything.

Jack had all the time in the world, and right now, so did she.


End file.
